To the Mama whose precious one never lived outside the womb.
To the Mama who endured a brutal 10+ months in the NICU only to walk out of the hospital without your baby.
To the Mama whose traumatic delivery ended with an even more traumatic goodbye.
To the Mama weeping years later.
To the Mama who lost their adult child.
To the Mama walking today in the wake of grief.
To the Mama whose ultrasound revealed a diagnosis, and the landscape of what they hoped parenthood would be is now gone.
To the Mama who is parenting her kids today while desperately missing her little one.
To the Mama being asked how many kids she has knowing full well her complicated answer isn’t what this stranger signed up for.
To the Mama anxiously awaiting the day to be reunited to their lost one.
To the Mama whose heart is aching.
This is why we remember.
This is why September 26th is NICU Remembrance Day.
This is why we wrote, Held.
As a NICU nurse for over a decade, I have seen infant loss more than most.
The weight of each experience sticks with me.
Last year, Peter and I were finally able to put some of that ache I’ve felt—as a bearer and bystander of your grief—into word and song to express some of that pain.
Our prayer was and is that in your incomprehensible ache, you would feel the hands of the Eternal One with you… today and every day until you see their face again. We see you, and we are here with you in your grief.
And to my fellow NICU nurses, this song is for you too. I know the pain you feel going home to rock your babies, while you watched another Mama lose theirs. I see you too, and I pray the Eternal One is near you in your unique grief too.
poems of grace just released “Held” today, on September 26th, 2023 in remembrance of each precious one this world has lost far too soon.
If you have a precious one you are remembering today, we would love to hear their story and your story. Send us your stories, and we will spend time today holding space for them <3
Lyrics:
Darkness shrouds where light began
unwelcome guest breaking in
Quiet crib, weeping room
Beating breast, needless food
Days march on, mine remain
Flowers bloom to fade away
Empty hands, empty breast
Heavy grief where joy was meant
My mind can’t hold this
My heart can’t hold this
My hands can’t hold this pain
Fashioned by loss, sculpted by tears
Drowning dreams, stolen years
“Should have been” will never be
How can I live without you and me?
My mind can’t hold this
My heart can’t hold this
My hands can’t hold this pain
I should be holding you
But I’m holding this instead
I should be holding you
But I’m holding this instead
I should be holding you
But I can’t catch my breath
I should be holding you
But I’m holding this instead
Empty hands, heavy soul
Eternal hands, come and hold